Newborn Esme
by xxtwilight
Summary: So far, this is a one-shot on Esme's first kill, and Carlisle's reaction. I will most likely continue. Please R&R.


**Note: I am not Stephenie Meyer nor do I own the Twilight series.**

"Are you sure about that?"

Without giving me a chance to answer, Edward's swift fingers grasped the black knight, and abruptly knocked over my last standing piece.

"Check _and_ mate." The smugness in Edward's voice was poorly concealed, and, after losing my fifth chess game to Edward, my patience had long since run out, and I let out an agitated noise.

"Gahhh!" I groaned, then laughed. Of course Edward would always win... though, my chess skills _were _improving, as Edward had grudgingly noted a week ago.

"I'll let you win next time," He promised rashly; assuring me he wouldn't.

"I'm sure you will." I laughed, already over it. I stood up, smoothing my hands over my skirt, and collected the chess pieces, careful not to crush them between my fingers. Returning the folded chess board to its place, I sat cross-legged on the persian carpet in the center of the room, and gazed thoughtfully out the window as Edward examined a loose thread on his jacket.

It was raining heavily outside, and the falling drops made rhythmic _pat... pat... pat _noises as they came in contact with the glass. I wasn't sure how long I gazed out the window, but, eventually, the rain ceased, leaving only a wet, blurry sheen on the window. The days were usually like this... long-winded, relaxed, and somewhat dull. Of course, I spent the majority of evenings counting down the minutes to Carlisle's arrival.

Having been a vampire for only a few years, my resistance to human blood was not yet perfected. In all honesty, I doubted it would ever be as flawless as Carlisle's or Edward's, who made 'vegetarianism,' to put it delicately, look effortless.

"What should we do now?" I wondered aloud. The quietness of the house was beginning to irk me, and I suddenly felt an itchiness to step outside of the walls of my home, and enter the world of humans...

"You know we can't do that, Esme. It's too soon." Edward's cool, detached voice halted my train of thoughts. Naturally, he had been listening... to my great annoyance.

"I know... I can't be around humans for another year or so, anyways." I rushed through the words, feeling as though I had them memorized. More than anything, I wanted to rip the front door off its hinges, dash outside, and breathe the earthy, humid aftersmell of a spring rain. But I couldn't, and we both knew it. It was simply too soon, and I wasn't ready.

"You will be ready soon, Esme. Be patient." Edward reached over and patted my knee, offering the silent support and comfort I needed. I appreciated the gesture and tried to smile, willing my lips to turn up at the corners, but to no avail. I was unhappy, and Edward's concerned expressioned told me he knew it. He patted my knee once more before heading to his room, undoubtedly trying to give me the illusion of privacy.

I appreciated his efforts, and, though I knew he could hear my thoughts clear as day, continued my silent reflection.

Somehow, I needed to get out of the quiet, secluded house I had grown to dread. Perhaps a trip to town would do me good? I would talk to Carlisle about it... he might agree, seeing as he would come with me, and could restrain me, if necessary.

I shuddered at the idea of my restraint, silently hating myself for not being as strong as Carlisle, or Edward, in their resistance. But wouldn't the presence of humans work to strengthen me? I would eventually grow used to their scents, and learn to be around them in daily contact, like Carlisle.

_Just like Carlisle._ The thought made my chest swell with pride. How wonderful it would be if I could learn his restraint... his perfected ability to comfortably live among humans. But, of course, I could never be that great...

Why Carlisle took the _least_ bit of interest in me was something I would never pretend to understand. How a man of his wonder... his absolute perfection, accomplishment, and beauty... could look at me with something other than subdued distaste was a mystery to me.

_Speaking of Carlisle_... my thoughts wandered in a different direction, and I found myself unconsciously glancing at the clock near our threshold.

_Seven fifty-two_... Carlisle's day shift at the local hospital finished by seven thirty, and, on most days, he was home by eight. Seven forty-five at the earliest, if I was lucky.

Piano-playing drifted down from Edward's room, forming a relaxed atmosphere in the house, and I contentedly waited for Carlisle... counting down the minutes to his arrival... I lay back and closed my eyes for a moment, happy to be distracted.

I felt a sudden gust of heady air blew in from the South window, facing me, and I took a deep breath... a method of relaxation I had learned about in the _Womens _section of the local magazine...

The following events seemed to happen simultaneously. My brain could not process them in the quickness that they occurred.

_Brrrrrring._

_The doorbell. Who is here?_

_I can answer it..._

_Edward's panicking, frenzied expression as he guards the door. Why is he guarding it?_

_The smell... Oh my God..._

_A door. Now it's broken... did I break it? Why did I do that?_

_Edward's hand is on my elbow. What? Why is it... oh, wait, I see. He's holding me back. But it smells so good... doesn't he want it too?_

_A smiling human. Thanks, honey, for standing so still, it makes it easier that way... less painful, and quicker..._

_Red is everywhere. On the ground, on my shirt, on my hands... did I do that?_

_Oh... my... God..._

_Bliss. Pure bliss._

_The taste. It's still in my throat, and it's so good._

_I never want to leave._

_Why am I leaving?_

_Edward is pulling me back... _

_No, no, NO! I wasn't finished!_

_God, where is that screaming coming from?_

_Oh, wait, is that me?_

"Dammit, stop that, Esme!" Edward's frantic voice floated towards me with the impossible movement of a dream. "God, Esme, what have you done?!"

Slowly, confusedly, painfully... I began surveying the scene.

Our sidewalk, once pristine and clean, was scattered with the remains of a human... at least, the body looked human, in it's mutilated state I couldn't be sure...

And blood. Lots, and lots of blood. Our sidewalk was now red.

Feeling confused and disoriented, I glanced down at my own hands.

Red. Filthy. Dripping blood.

The hands of a killer.

My blouse, too, was soaked by the blood of the dead human...

_The dead human..._

As understanding dawned on me, I covered my mouth, trying to stifle the sudden _gasp-gasp-gasp_ noises coming from inside my chest. I couldn't seem to quiet them, and, for once, I didn't care. More than anything, I wanted to cry. To sob. To do something crazy and irrational. I wanted to scream profanities at someone, pound my fists against a stone wall and break my knuckles, and feel _pain_ for once.

_Gasp-gasp-gasp_... somehow, I couldn't breathe...

I was on the ground now, so quickly I was not sure how I got there. The shape of my face was molded into the soil, and I could taste the softened earth in my mouth. I spat it out in clumps, hating the aftertaste, choking on it... uncaring, as my body heaved with gasps and tearless, angry sobs.

I was vaguely aware of Edward's hand... timid, unsure, but always there... resting on my back, reminding me of his presence.

It started to rain again, and I turned my face up, letting the water soak my face. I imagined that I was crying... truly crying, with tears streaming down my face, and hiccups building in my chest.

Then I heard _his _voice. His beautiful, lilting voice sounding so confused and uncomprehending that I felt sick to my stomach.

"Edward... what happened?"

_An innocent human died. Esme killed her._

_Esme didn't listen to me and went out... she broke your rules, Carlisle._

_You shouldn't love her. She doesn't belong._

_She isn't one of us, Carlisle._

_Why do you give her the time of day?_

_You'll never love her after this._

I imagined Edward saying them all. He _could _have said them. But, instead, he kept quiet.

I turned my dirt-streaked, bloody-mouthed face to Carlisle.

Carlisle's eyes darted back and forth from the horrific scene to me, and I could see the confusion in his brow. His face was torn, and I saw the conflict in his eyes... how he wanted to pretend this never happened, to go back to our everyday lives like I had never murdered anyone. I _knew _because I wanted it, too.

With a painful slowness similar to dream sequences, his face turned in my direction, his eyes finally landing on me. His eyes were hard, and his brow was no longer confused... I saw the determined resolution set on his face.

"Esme?"

**I hope everyone liked it... I wanted to do a bit on Carlisle/Esme conflict, not just fluff, because I think conflict is where the real character in people comes out. **

**Should I continue? _Please let me know what you think!_**

**-xxtwilight**


End file.
